Log in

No account? Create an account
06:35am 04/11/2002
mood: sleepy
Lovely traces
I can sense You in everything
The way that You move me
Takes me far away
I seek no escape
I'm dreaming through Your eyes
I am wandering through Your mind
I'm overtaken by the way that You deliver me
I'm transcended
There's no place I'd rather be
Than here in Heaven
Without You I'm incomplete
It's hopeless~

So on the rollercoaster of Me-n-Alan, last night was awesome. We talked a lot. Mostly about college plans, he's still really unsure of where he's going to go. He says he'll probably end up at GCC for a year or 2 before he does anything. I told him I was going to Southwestern Bible College and he thought that was great. I guess a lot of representatives from Southwestern have been calling him, wanting him for football. But people from Olivet Nazarene University call him practically everyday.

That's crazy, yo. ;)

Anyhow.. yeah, so last night when I was doing my devotions I did this big fat prayer, asking that God would show me what was supposed to happen between Alan and I, even if it was what I didn't want. And then I had a dream that Alan and I got married. Now, I'm not sure if that was God showing me or if I made myself have that dream cuz I wanted it.. But since I asked God to show me, and was then shown, I'm gonna have to trust God instead of myself (*gasp*) on this one.

Oh well.

In other news, whiny people drive me crazy. "My life is so sad and horrible poor me.." yeah, well then get off yer duff and do something about it.

(A moment of insensitive Christina. Whoops.)

You know what else I hate? People who expect you to be perfect because you're a Christian. Get over it people, I'm not perfect, I'm saved. I make just as many mistakes, if not many more, as regular people. And I also hate it when people blame my Christianity or slam it when I make mistakes. It wasn't God whispering in my ear telling me what to say next, those were my own choices.

And if you wanna cry about it, go for it.

Ok, I'm done now.

3 Flames| Start a Fire
02:36pm 02/11/2002
mood: aggravated
Give me a break.

You're everything I thought you weren't, you really are. I thought you were real and honest, but you don't care about anything but yourself.

So just stop your little -I'm the victim- script and open your eyes, for once in your freaking life.


Why can't you let me pretend that everything is alright?
Start a Fire
Responsibility, what's that?   
09:05am 02/11/2002
mood: sleepy
Last night was so much fun.

Me and Alan took Alan's little brother out so that his parents could go out on a date. It was so cute.

We went to the Agua Fria-Millennium game.. that lasted until about 9:30. Then we went to Taco Bell.. then Alan wanted to go to Wal-Mart, so we did. And Alan and Andrew (Andrew = Alan's brother) got in a shopping cart and we raced around the store. There were hardly any people there, so we were actually able to do it for a good twenty minutes before we got asked to stop it or leave. ^_^ Alan was so stupid when the guy asked us to stop. But it cracked me up anyway. =P

The thing about me and Alan that's driving me crazy is our rollercoaster relationship. Let's go over the past 2 weeks with Alan and myself:

Last Sunday: things were okay, pretty much platonic between us.
Tuesday: We hugged & cried together (Gerald's funeral).
Wednesday: We hardly talked at all, got in an argument in the last 5 minutes.
Thursday: At eachothers throats, wanted to kill eachother.
Friday: Totally awesome, big long hug at the end of the night.

I talked to my awesome friend Pryor about this, and he said that maybe we're both confused about the direction of the relationship. I think he probably hit the nail right on its stupid head with that. Because I'm definitely not sure about how I feel about him, and I know he's not sure either.


Anyway, after I dropped Alan and Andrew off and talked to Brent for a few minutes, I went to Alinne's house and slept there. Her brother really gets on my nerves.

So here I am.. and what else is new? Nothing that I can think of. Me and Alinne want to go to the No Doubt + Garbage + The Distillers concert in about 2 weeks. I'm excited.

I think that's all.

Yeah, that's all. ^_^

Start a Fire
I Am   
09:00am 01/11/2002
mood: content
Pencil marks on a wall, I wasn't always this tall
You scattered some monsters from beneath my bed.
You watched my team win, and watched my team lose
Watched when my bicycle went down again.

When I was weak, unable to speak, still I could call You by name
And I said Elbow Healer, Superhero, come if you can..

You said, I Am

Only sixteen, life is so mean.
What kind of curfew is at 10 pm?
You saw my mistakes and watched my heart break
Heard when I swore I'd never love again.

When I was weak, unable to speak, still I could call You by name
And I said Heartache Healer, Secret Keeper, be my best friend..

You said, I Am.

You saw me wear white by pale candlelight
I said 'forever' to what lies ahead;
Two kids and a dream, with kids that can scream
Too much it might seem when it is 2 am.

When I was weak, unable to speak, still I could call You by name
Oh, Shepherd Savior, Pasture Maker, hold on to my hand..

You said, I Am.

The winds of change and circumstance
Blow in and all around us
So we find a foothold that's familiar
And bless the moments that we feel you nearer.

When life had begun I was woven and spun
You let the angels dance around the throne
Who can say when, but they'll dance again
When I am free and finally headed home

I will be weak, unable to speak, still I will call You by name
Creator, Maker, Life Sustainer
Comforter, Healer, My Redeemer
Lord and King, Beginning and the End..

I Am.

I Am.
Start a Fire
03:59pm 26/10/2002
mood: grateful
I can't believe all the sacrifices that have been made for me.

Thank You.

Jesus loves you!

Yes, even you.

5 Flames| Start a Fire
Again I go unnoticed.   
06:43am 25/10/2002
mood: apathetic
Sometimes it seems like regardless of what kind of effort I put forth into a person or a relationship I either get (a) nothing or (b) pain in return.

It makes me wonder why I even bother.

But then I remember that I'm just a silly teenager and it will all be over before I realize it.

And then I'll have much bigger problems to tackle.

Anyhow, everytime It hink 'wow, poor me,' (like now), I listen to this song and for some reason it really soothes me.

I'll post the lyrics later.

Start a Fire
to lay you down in a bed of roses.   
07:41am 23/10/2002
mood: sick
Last night was awful.

I stayed up until about 11, just throwing up over and over again. And guess what? I'm still going to school today. I really can't miss today, I've got a test in AP english and I'm already behind in Statistics. Plus, a manager from the new Harkins theater being built is coming to the school to recruit employees. I have to be there. I feel like (hjopefully) I have a fairly good chance at getting this job. Of course I've felt that way before.. but none of the other places ever came to a high school to recruit employees. So there.

I've been thinking about a lot of stuff lately.. and I've decided that I have few true friends. True friends are the ones who will listen to you when you need to talk and be willing to share, not just need to talk to you all the time and never want to hear you speak. I've been supremely disappointed with some of my friends in that respect lately..

But it's always my female friends. My guy friends never have a problem with that. Interesting, hm? Anyone care to comment on the difference between male and female in this aspect?

Well, I don't.

Ok, I think I'm going to wrap this up now. Maybe drink a little bit of 7Up.. I'm afraid to eat anything because I don't want to throw up again. =\ That's my least favorite thing in the entire world.. yuck.

*hopes for a special phone call tonight*

4 Flames| Start a Fire
08:41pm 22/10/2002
  If I can help you, you know how to reach me.

And remember, I love you.
Start a Fire
One last thing.   
09:06pm 18/10/2002
mood: bored
I'm sitting here listening to my niece watch her Dora the Explorer video for the third time executively.


I really think I might go crazy.

Anthem won't be back in AZ for a long while, I just discovered. Which kinda bites. You all need to hear Anthem. They rock. Their Song "Day at the Beach" omes on The Effect, 89.9, all the time.. but I don't think many people on my friends list listen to my Jesus music. Oh well.

I'm glad that Anthem is finally getting exposure outside of Arizona, though. :)

Hmmmmwhat else to say?

I don't remember.

Tomorrow I have to go sell water and soda at the parade here in Avondale with the youth group. It's going to be tiring, but part of it is going to Alan and I for our Nazarene Youth Conference trip in July.. which costs about $1350.00. So, I need to help out all I can.

Besides, I'm the Teen council president, you know. I have to represent.

Hah.. represent.

Oh no, I better stop before this gets retarded (moreso).

Start a Fire
For You :)   
08:08pm 18/10/2002
mood: good
So you sit there and judge me for depending wholly on Christ.

We won't even get into what you depend on.

Self-absorbed,judgmental, emotionally void people make me sick.

You need Jesus.

Yep, You.

Think it's funny?

It isn't.

But have a good time with it anyway.


Start a Fire
Crucify me   
10:55pm 17/10/2002
mood: thoughtful
Every finger in the room is pointing at me
I wanna spit in their faces
Then I get affraid what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my stomach
I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now.

I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Just what God needs
One more victim

Why do we crucify ourselves
Every day I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day I crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being in chains

Got a kick for a dog beggin' for love
I gotta have my suffering
So that I can have my cross
I know a cat named Easter
He says will you ever learn
You're just an empty cage girl if you kill the bird

I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Got enough guilt to start
My own religion

Why do we crucify ourselves
Every day I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day I crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being in chains

Please be
Save me
I cry

Looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Where are those angels
When you need them

Why do we crucify ourselves
Every day I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day I crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being in chains

Why do we ...
... chains ...
Crucify ourselves

Never going back again
Crucify myself again
You know
Never going back again to
Crucify myself
Start a Fire
More than instant moisture.   
10:34pm 17/10/2002
mood: annoyed
It's been a few days since I've posted last, so apologies to those who actually pay attention to these things.

Right now I'm not feeling too happy-go-lucky I suppose, letting life get the best of me. I really get angry with myself when I do this, because I know I'm really just bringing it on myself. There's nothing (new) in my life that is particularly overwhelming or stressful, I'm just letting my mind pick up on the negativity and run like mad with it. I need to just slap myself, so to speak, and bring me back to my senses.


Wednesday me and Alan were at eachothers throats. I love him like a brother but sometimes I could just kick him in the head. Now, he has occasionally gotten underneath my skin previous to then, but this was just.. over the top. Finally I shouted at him.. which makes me uncomfortable, because few people have ever made me really "lose my cool." I'm usually deliberate and sensible in arguments, but I went off the top with this one. I shouted at him and told him to shut up, quit being an arrogant jerk and get out of my face. He shouted back, which surprised me even more, becaus eI've never seen him lose his cool either. He said something about the problem not being with him, for me to quit being immature and somethign else. I probably forgot on purpose. Anyhow.. he really got under my skin on Wednesday. I don't know why. But apprently I got under his as well..

Who knows.

I miss you.

Start a Fire
07:03am 13/10/2002
mood: tired
There are few people in the world who truly sympathize with others by feeling their pain.

Then again, there are few people in the world who feel.
Start a Fire
Life could you be a little softer to me?   
07:50pm 12/10/2002
mood: awake
Life could you be a little softer to me?

Life could you be more gentle with me?

Yeah I know this is a selfish plea...

Because Christ sacrificed his flesh
On the cross for me

But this world is hard,
It's cruel and I wish it could be...

Softer to me.


Romans 8:31-39. New Living Translation.

31 What can we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? 32 Since God did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won't God, who gave us Christ, also give us everything else? 33 Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? Will God? No! He is the one who has given us right standing with himself. 34 Who then will condemn us? Will Christ Jesus? No, for he is the one who died for us and was raised to life for us and is sitting at the place of highest honor next to God, pleading for us. 35 Can anything ever separate us from Christ's love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or are hungry or cold or in danger or threatened with death? 36 (Even the Scriptures say, "For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep." F36 ) 37 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. 38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from his love. Death can't, and life can't. The angels can't, and the demons can't. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can't keep God's love away. 39 Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
2 Flames| Start a Fire
The great below   
09:39am 10/10/2002
mood: sleepy

What Nine Inch Nails song are you?

brought to you by Quizilla
"What Nine Inch Nails song are you?" - Results:

-The Great Below- Extremely sensitive, you are still waiting for that one love to either return or come into your life for the first time. You know deep down that you're going to end up getting hurt again, but you're still hopeful.
Start a Fire
Back to the Few Tour   
11:39am 09/10/2002
mood: hungry
The concert was SO incredibly awesome. Holland was really, really good. I hadn't heard of them before, so I really enjoyed them. Philmore did really awesome but their set was too short in my opinion. I was against the stage and everytime the bassplayer came over to play at the edge of the stage he stepped on my fingers...

But that's ok, cuz it's Philmore!

And then Bleach. They did really well, but their set was too long. Granted, they have been around for a long time and probably have the most songs, but it was just too long and kinda boring. Their songs were good, though.

then Relient K! I can't even begin to describe how awesome they did. It started out with Matt (lead singer) riding in on a little pink bike made for 10 year olds. :-p Then it was good. They did Pressing On as an encore and that was probably the best part of the whole show.

Then we all went to In n Out and.. ate. :)

And.. that's all.

2 Flames| Start a Fire
Less is more.   
08:53am 07/10/2002
mood: anxious
Jesus, I pray
Take all my mistakes
Throw them away
Destroy them for my sake

Jesus, I call out 'cause I'm sorry
Because I fall so short of your glory
To the best of my ability
I'm practicing humility
And I lay myself before
'Cause less is more

All that I have
I lay before
With my pride on the floor
Cause to you less is more
All that I have
I lay before
With my pride on the floor
Cause to you less is more

A part of myself
All that I am
You love me so much
That you fill me again
And may these words on my heart, on my lips
Somehow mean so much more than this

Jesus, I pray
Know what I'm trying to say

All that I have
I lay before
With my pride on the floor
'Cause to you less is more
All that I have
I lay before
With my pride on the floor
Cause to you less is more

A part of myself, before you were Lord
I hold nothing back, 'cause to you less is more
And may these words on my heart on my lips,
Somehow mean so much more than this

Jesus, I pray
Just know what I'm tryin' to say

Jesus, I plead
Please purify me
Make my heart clean
Drench me with your mercy
Jesus, I pray
I love you, I need you
For the rest of my days
I swear I will seek you
To the best of my ability
I'm practicing humility
And I lay myself before
'Cause less is more.

Yes, prepping for the

!Relient K!


I are excited.

I'm also excited about Philmore. Bleach and Holland as well, but I'm REALLY looking forward to Philmore.

I think that's all for now. :) Maybe some more later.

7 Flames| Start a Fire
I know, I know   
10:21pm 06/10/2002
mood: awake
So everytime I vocalize my "thing" for Alan, the next day things turn around. I suppose if I ever want to eradicate feelings for a person, I can just express those feelings to someone and right away they'll be gone.

But tonight at Wendy's, Alan was REALLY getting on my nerves. Sometimes it seems like he disagrees with me just for the sake of arguing, and it bugs the living poo out of me. And it's always something really stupid and trivial, and even if I prove him wrong he just shakes his head and turns away and SOMEHOW makes it seem like he has won the argument. It makes me want to RIP HIS FACE OFF.

I told my Mom and she said "you're gonna get married."

I think I've changed my mind about that, though. I think I'd kill him if I had to live with him.

But he's still my best friend and I love him like a brother, I just think my "thing" was probably a bad idea anyway.

So Ben and I wrote a song on Friday night, and today we performed it at church. It went really well.

Yeah, look for the upcoming album in stores everywhere this Spring.


Tomorrow = Relient K concert!!! WOOOHHOOOO!!! It's at The Nile, but .. that's ok. Philmore and Bleach will be opening.


Me, Kristen, Jake and Ben will all be going together. Alan is going with one of his friends and they'll be meeting us there. I'm SO excited. I <3 Relient K, but haven't been able to see them live yet.

Oh well, that's your update. :) Tell your Mom you love her today.

2 Flames| Start a Fire
!Holy Moley!   
08:36pm 05/10/2002
mood: excited
Wowzer, it's been a long time since I've updated this little diddy here! Well, an explanation is to follow, but in the meantime I would like you all to know that I have FINALLY redone my LJ scheme, so it isn't all messed up and poopy anymore. ^_^ Yeah, the whole eyeball thing was an experiment that went very wrong, and I never had the time to fix it once I'd done it. But now, it is fixed. And looks.. normal? Well.. who really knows what normal is anyway?

So where the heck has Christina been? Where do I sart! Mostly in the process of moving. Yes, my family has bought a new, bigger, better, house. Ok, it isn't bigger, and it's older than my other house, but I love it. We have 2 acres, a HUGE patio (lotsa room for a spa, did you say?) and some really great entertaining area. We've already utilized that aspect of the house - last Saturday. Our Pastor was leaving and we had a goodbye/thank you party for him here at our house. It was all in the backyard, we had a big fat barbecue and a bonfire. Me, Alan, Jake, Kristen, Phillip, and Ben all hungout in my room until the food was ready, then we went and chilled (hah.. chilled) by the bonfire.

Did I mention I'm going to marry Alan?

Oh yes. But I'll get to that later.

This is going to be kinda long though... I wonder if I should... yeah.

want more? click me!Collapse )
2 Flames| Start a Fire
03:13pm 03/10/2002
  By saying less today I will gain more.  
3 Flames| Start a Fire